I caught up with an old friend yesterday. After having recently gotten out of a seven year relationship, she decided to dive head first into dating apps. I asked her who she was seeing at the moment. She described the guy, and I nearly fell out of my chair. Were we dating the same person?

Bridgett* and I used to work together. She was a creative on my team about a year ago until she was poached by one of the most prestigious auction houses in the world. Our reunion chat quickly veered toward the men we were dating. Bridgett’s app of choice was The Inner Circle and she was pleased with it. She wasn’t looking for a relationship but met a nice guy with a good job. Stats aside, the sex was insane and “he has an amazing dick”. Her words, not mine.

Equally good on paper, he went to Cambridge and is a trainee lawyer at a top legal firm. Which firm I asked? She divulged and my mouth hit the floor. I was certain we were dating the same guy. In her opinion he’s also a terrible dresser and she didn’t feel he would fit in with her friends or family. The similarities were uncanny. He has an identical profile to Aaron. Every element that turns me off and on about Aaron was present in this guy.

After exchanging names it was clear it was not the same guy, but I did ask Aaron if he knew him. He didn’t but looked into the company intranet to see he worked on a different team.

Stay with me here. This isn’t a sub-par post about how I thought we were dating the same guy but are in fact not. As it so happens Bridgett is having the same problems with this guy being cheap. But unlike Aaron, he told her upfront he won’t treat his dates. Bridgett was so perplexed by this she researched how much the guy made: £45K. She researched Aaron’s role as well: £85-120K (!).

I’m not the anti-feminist here that believes a woman’s place is in the kitchen. And I certainly don’t believe men owe us for going out with them. What I do believe in is courtship and that certain rituals must be upheld for the relationship to progress.

There you have it. That’s why I truly believe Aaron and I will likely not work out. I equate a man’s disinterest when it comes to treating his date with indifference. But after speaking with Bridgett, I might address the issue with him rather than ghost as initially intended. He’s still impressive enough to keep on standby for now.