This is one of the first posts I’m going to write without a neat and tidy ending.
I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for about two months now. He’s perhaps one of the most delightful people I’ve ever come across. He’s sensitive, warm and is genuinely into me. Regularly, he casually drops into conversation the features he adores about me.
I’ve also started on the pill. UGH. Been on it for about two weeks now. I’ve known for some time that oral contraception makes me crazy. Not run-of-the-mill PMS cranky, rather cry-myself-to-sleep over how awful my life is mentally unstable. So please bear this fact in mind.
We last spoke on Thursday night. I drunk dialled him after a night out with work. I’d invited him earlier the day prior. He turned my offer down because he was heading out of town Friday. It was the first time he’d turned me down for anything so I mentally noted it.
Friday I didn’t hear from him. Saturday the same thing and I was beginning to get upset about it. I watched “40 Year Old Virgin” by myself at home that night and instead of it making me laugh, it made me even more anxious and depressed. Shocker.
Late Sunday morning I cracked and texted him asking how his weekend away was going. He replied right away. Something about being hungover and asked about my weekend to which I didn’t respond. I’m very annoyed now.
Four hours later I did respond with some silly thing about a puppy on Instagram to which he also responded asking about a high profile talk I was going to tonight. I’m frustrated with this conversation. Really frustrated. Is he going to breakup with me? Am I crazy? Or is my intuition kicking in. See Mind the App. In this story, a guy I’d gone out with twice started acting funny and he ultimately broke up with me when I pushed him for answers.
Without knowing the outcome of this situation, it sounds to me that regardless of his feeling about me I’m most definitely crazy. Where’s my meditation app?
Update: It’s been exactly a week since that last post. Feeling somewhat in the same place.
He did come over for dinner mid-week. He seemed slightly distracted, but not cold. He said he was sorry I was under so much pressure at work at the moment, which I am. He didn’t wait for me to walk to the Tube the next morning. Usually I tell him to leave without me if I’m running late, but this time I didn’t.
This weekend he moved into a new place. I wanted to see it of course, but he didn’t extent an invitation. I did congratulate him on his new home via text to which he didn’t even bother a reply.
I’m pretty sure it’s over. I’m off the pill as of today, so hopefully I won’t feel so bad about it in the coming days, but I don’t feel happy about it right now either.
Update 2: I wrote this post in November of last year. Just to confirm, I never heard from the dude again. He just fell of the face of the planet. I even messaged him a few weeks later. Nothing. Not a huge loss, I just wish I’d told him off when I had the chance.